Hurry up and wait......

Jessica had her CT scans done today. Neck, chest, abdomen and pelvis. With contrast. Again. This is a ritual we've come to expect about every four months with one of those rounds being a yearly PET scan. Sometimes we can breathe a little easier afterwards and at other times we cry, and in between each test date we pray a lot for yet a better outcome the next time around. You're afraid to be too hopeful yet unwilling to give in to despair. Back to that razor-sharp pendulum swinging over your captive body, slowing lowering itself....will it or won't it drop......

After Jess was diagnosed and going through her first scans after her chemo in 2006, I clearly remembered that dreadful feeling. I tried desperately to reassure her that these tests would get easier with time. Every "negative" result would give you confidence for the next time and so on and so on. After all, that's what happened in my world, and hers was the" most curable cancer" to have! Well...my words didn't mean much for long. And in the meantime we "hurry up and wait". You know the drill. Gotta get those tests done then wait for days to see which direction your life is headed in.

So here we are, living life from scan to scan and always hoping for the best, because sooner or later we've just got to get some really good news!! And sooner can't come quick enough.