Saturday, July 8, 2023

14 Years...

Life should be so different.

It should be full of love and happiness.
It should be all that we wished for when we were young.
It should be spent with you, here with us.

So many hopes vanish with our child when they are taken from us...
So many dreams are buried with them...
So much love that became lost, remains captive in our hearts…
Sometimes that unhealed wound needs to be disturbed so the pain can be released.
Sometimes that pain is the only thing that can pierce the emptiness, the void, the ongoing grief.

Yes. I have so much to be thankful for. And I am. God has been good to me in many ways, and I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with.

And yes, time does pass. It may not heal, but it moves forward; always giving hope for better days.

Life is a little different now Jessica. I have retired from the workforce. And I am hoping for more joys in life, joys that can actually be felt - perhaps releasing the power that can remove this ironclad mask. And, if this could take place, maybe…hopefully... many of those agonizing moments of your final weeks, can finally find peace in my tormented soul.

You know Jessica, perhaps I am still young at heart, even though each letter to you adds to my years. And yet, as that number increases, I can't help but feel that my work is still not done; and as much as I hope to stay on this earth until it is, I am also at peace for our eventual reunion. And when that day does come, may God allow those who remain to think of us with love as they mourn, yet rejoice in His decision; for then, so much that had been lost, will be found again.

Fourteen years.
How...how have I survived?

"Everyone is afraid of dying, until you lose a child...
then you're afraid of living."
-Taken from Many Phases And Faces Of A Mother's Grief

Good night Miss Jessica.
I love you. Always.

"And no matter what anybody says about grief and about time healing all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken." 
-Tiffanie DeBartolo

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