Eleven years...

"I cannot think of anyone stronger
 than a mother who has lost her child and still breathes." 

-Robyna May

Eleven years. And I still keep trying to find that strength. To some, it may appear effortless, but when the mask is removed, the tears and anguish emerge.

Some days are harder than others; some years hold more struggle than most. That is the kind of year, that this year is for me. COVID-19, protests, political divide, so much unrest in our world; but the worst of it all, is not being able to hold my loved ones as tightly and often as before...

The universe challenges all that I know and has, yet once again, pierced the hole in my heart that continuously hopes to soften.

Hope. I, too, seek out hope. Hope to move forward, without moving back. Hope to find more joy, than sorrow. Hope to find more love, than heartache. Hope...to find peace.

My visit to Tod to place our ceremonial flowers did create a bit of that vision. The green, pink, and red carnations smiled as they were lovingly placed into the vase, with a butterfly pick, holding a butterfly trinket, that reads, "always in my thoughts and prayers". Because you are.

The warm breeze then embraced me as I marveled at the beautiful sky; while there on the ground, among the masses of clover, I saw the lone dandelion puff. Just. Like. Last year...

Can wishing upon this beautiful fluff of seed really make our dreams come true?

There is no answer. Only hope.

But, I did make a wish Jessica. For you. I wish that you have peace; the elusive peace that I so desire. May Heaven be all that we pray for it to be, as I wish, and hope, that one day, you will be there to welcome me home.

And then, perhaps, I will, have peace.

Good night Miss Jessica.
I love you. Always.

"Everyone we love builds a home in our heart. 

And when they are gone, we spend eternity staring at their empty seat." 

-Shakieb Orgunwall