Today is a beautiful day....

...in as much as there are puffs of white clouds filtering the brightly shining sun with the temperature in the mid 70's. The breeze is mild which gives the cemetery a calming effect and thus allowing the chirping of the birds to be heard. Just recently on a day much like today I sat upon "my" grave which is next to Jessica's. I had an overwhelming urge to lay down and "try it out" when a car pulled up for someone to visit nearby. Not wanting anyone to think that I had completely lost my marbles, I chose not to give in to this trial run. When I told my dear friend Sandi about my day, she at first thought that I really was a little out there, but then she came up with a totally different prospective of which I did try out today. As much comfort that I do find at Tod, I am always looking down...down as I speak to my daughter, down as I tend to her grave. And as beautiful as the cross that John made upon it is, and along with the colors of the flowers that surround her are, I am looking down at the ground. The dirt and the stones. And the knowledge that deep beneath all this lies my wonderful, beautiful daughter. Under this massive cold dirt. So today I looked up as I would should I be laying next to her! I saw that bright sky and the billowy clouds and pictured my Jessica up there, in Heaven. And now in my mind I could see her! Not in the ground fast asleep, but now, smiling brightly down upon me and letting me know that she really is all right. And I will be too. One step at a time.