One Day at a Time...

It seems as though my words, which usually flow so freely, have become tangled within the confines of my mind...the peaks of the web are caught up where support should be given, and in turn, my ill attempts to express those "1,000 reasons to show life why I should smile" are being suppressed as my blessings are becoming clouded with doubt.

Emotions tend to run deeply, more so during a holiday or when yet another month without our loves ones are marked. And maybe someday, holidays will become a source of joy again...

Last year, Jessica was diagnosed with bronchitis after spending Easter Sunday in the hospital emergency room. Now, looking back to that day, I realize that this was just the beginning of what we would all be given to mourn.... But I did smile this Easter season, when on Holy Thursday I was honored with the blessing of meeting Alyssa's mom (and grandmother), granting me the long awaited wish of expressing my grief to her, and with her...for both of our daughters...and with a deep respect, my prayers continue for her family...

Yes, there have been happy days since Jessica left us. The highs have been celebrated and marked with pride as much as the lows have been dissected in a vain attempt to understand them. Personal turmoils have been evoked as we continue to struggle to find our new normal. Our home, once full of love and laughter, now yearns for a healing peace. Peace.

And now, as the rebirth of Spring is upon us, I once again find that the tranquillity I seek comes to me from where my daughters body lies. The calmness of the grounds beckon me to rest, as I close my eyes and listen to the birds sing, while the faint and distant harmony of the freeway is carried by the soothing breeze that embraces my being. Clarity engulfs me as my troubles are washed clean, allowing me the freedom to think. I can hear my thoughts! I can feel a new energy enfusing my own spirit, giving me the strength needed to continue putting one foot in front of the other! I open my eyes and gaze at those majestic birds keeping watch over the souls who rest below them. And with the trees, swaying in tune, I am reminded that life does, and will always, go on. No one can escape lifes heartaches, but it is our choice as to what we do with that sorrow...

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

- Robert Frost