On Father's Day of last year our "circle" began to breathe life. Little did we know nor could we ever have imagined that on June 21st, it was but the beginning to an end...

I just recently spent three full days in the heart of Ohio's Amish Country at a secluded, hillside inn overlooking Mother Earth's rolling landscape. This yearning grew stronger as the seasons changed from Winter to Spring and as my life was beginning to show signs of unraveling. My wish - to have time alone, away from the world and the reality played into everyday life, to reflect and to write.... to place upon paper the images that continuously re-play in my mind, and which have been haunting my thoughts and my entire being since Jessica left our lives....those of the hell that she endured in those final days...the hell that I witnessed, at times quite alone, where I could do little more than love her, attempt to comfort her...and watch...and pray...

But that which I so desperately hoped to pen remained confined within the webs of my thoughts. And I realized something personally profound....perhaps that which is mine to bear, is mine to bear alone, for as much as this lives within me, it also needs to be imprisioned where it exists... and when my final breath is drawn, it can escape, for then it will have no other one to harm. But for now, much of the past needs to rest where it lays, as I hope that those who knew and loved Jessica, may finally be accepting life within their new normal.

But reflect is something that I was able to do - on aspects of my life that I had hoped would not need such care. And on my final night in what is truly God's Country, I did pen a thought for the world to see....in the "Guest Book" so proudly displayed with the writings of many who have appreciated their time at this inn...for others to see as they pass through and experience life in a simpler and perhaps at times, more desirable way:

June 14-18, 2010
Hoping to find inner peace was my goal for this journey as the "first year" is coming full circle since my 24-year-old daughter Jessica died from Hodgkin’s Disease. The solitude here allows me to hear my thoughts and put them to rest as nature sings her songs, while the wonder of God’s beauty gives me strength to draw upon. And being in such a beautiful, spacious and comfortable physical surrounding has helped me to achieve some of what I have been searching for. And for that, I thank you.

Life truly is "One Day at a Time"

"Goodnight Miss Jessica. I love you."