I'm finding it hard to believe that the Holiday Season is upon us and that Thanksgiving is already a memory. The hustle and bustle that I am witness to is no different than that of Christmas' Past; the joyful music is playing freely all around us as we watch the smiling faces of children as they whisper their wishes to Santa...sure that they were "good" this year and hopeful that he feels the same! Shoppers are seeking that perfect something to give to those that they love and respect; and best of all, listening in on the plans being finalized to give the grandest gift of all - time spent together in peace and love.

My days of late are overflowing with long work hours and required time spent with the necessary preparation for a day that was once the highlight of my year. I yearn for those days when my family was whole...and happy... without the cares that it now presents. Time was spent decorating our home, trimming our tree and taking care to put the final touches on the freshly baked cookies. And maybe someday our house will shine again as it's colored lights showcase a magical tree in a room abundant with love and laughter. But my heart is not yet ready, nor willinging able, to relive what was once enjoyed together as a family. Our small tree is adorned with all three of "my angels" allowing it's true beauty to be shown. It's not to say that we haven't found any happiness, because it has shown itself in many aspects of our lives...but life, like the ever changing clouds gliding above us, knows that it will not remain the same forever.

I realize that oftentimes this second year without Jessica has proven to be as difficult, if not moreso, than the first. Dear friends had warned me of this taking place...but I couldn't imagine it to be true. We have painstakingly marked "the firsts" of everything, and now the reality of this "new normal" has pushed itself in and taken full command. I continue to look, and indeed I do find, many things to be grateful for and to be happy about and enjoy. And as much as I miss my Jessica, I know that I can best honor her life by continuing to live out my own.

It's been said, and I truly believe, that when someone you love dies, the hole that's left in your broken heart is full of sharp jagged edges. The pain can be so intense that you fear you may never be complete again. And time may help heal and smooth over those edges but that gaping hole remains. The void that it created can never be filled...but we must learn to accept that which has been given to us and continue to move forward in order to fulfill our own destiny. God has a plan for each and every one of us and oftentimes we have more questions than answers for why events unfold as they do. And especially during the Holiday Season, we must BELIEVE that we are being guided in the direction that is meant for us. No. Life isn't easy nor is it always fair. But the true test in life is not to question what we are given....it's about what we do with that which has been given to us.

I'd like to leave you with an inscription found scratched into a wall in Germany by someone hiding from Nazi concentration camps:

I believe in the Sun even when it is not shining;

in love even when I am alone;
and in God even when He is silent.

And sometimes my friends, in that silence we can hear the whisper of God. But you have to listen. Better days are ahead for all of us. We just have to believe....