Yesterday was more difficult than I had expected. As much as my heart does not have it's Christmas spirit, the Season is still approaching and I am attempting to help make it as normal as possible for those that I love.
Shopping after work brought me to places where reminders of Jessica and Christmas' past surrounded me....from the music we'd joke about, to her same pink with white polka dot robe that is still being sold at Macy's, to the memories of Christmas shopping at Kohl's after her transplant, which brings a different sadness to my soul...reminders that will continue to enter my thoughts...but not all of them are sad...
After Jess died, I saw an extraordinary number of butterflies and rainbows! I really can't remember ever seeing so many in one season before and they brought a smile to my heart each and every time they were around me. Last night we had some horrific winds so I decided to go to Tod and make sure that her grave was not greatly disturbed. All morning the sky was dark since the threats of rain and more winds were with us and as I closed the door behind me to get to my car the rain started to pour straight downward...and then the sky opened up with sunshine! Grabbing my camera (which I try to keep at hand since the deer incident) I got out of the car and was searching the sky when I saw it! There--in the northern sky--the very faint colors of a rainbow!!! But it's time was so extremely short, or I was that extremely shocked and slow, that as I went to capture it on film, it disappeared! But in that very instant I felt that we were being looked upon, and assured that life as we now know it, will be ok...
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Chris, I continue to admire your strength and love for your family. You will be surprised at the things you see that will give you some kind of comfort. My backyard borders a woodsy area and every morning,for 3 years, while I prepare for my day, I watch for deer. And every time I saw them I would smile. Now when I see them I remember your story and I smile and think of Jess. You mentioned the pink polka dot robe at Macy's. I have been wearing my mother's pink checkered robe every winter for 6 years. I have been given new ones, but cannot give up the comfort of the worn out robe that still reminds me of my mother and continues to warm me. My hope is that you keep finding these things that make you feel even a little better.
Love, Alyson
I think about the first Christmas -
When Jesus was born, I wonder if Mary knew his fate. I wonder if she ever knew before the time came and how she must have suffered before, during, after....
Was Christmas "celebrated" yearly after His birth in those days? ...after His death? I just wonder... Chris, you and Mary share the same wounded heart!
Just want to say that during this Christmas season my heart and thoughts are with you and your family... Reading your post i can confirm that I have been reminded of and felt the presense of Jessica many times since her passing....I do not wish to share them in this open format but look forward to the day when I can tell you in person. Even though a piece of my heart is still very heavy I know she would want everyone to celebrate the season and be thankful. I am that I knew her and through her meet her wonderful family....and hope as time passes things get better. Jess really was like a Christmas snowflake... Beautiful, short lived and one of a kind.
-Joe
Thinking of you today Chris wishing you peace.
With love, Valerie
Post a Comment