Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Fathers Day is approaching, as are the memories of four years ago, and today was just a little more difficult than most.  This year our family has been struggling with the trials that Alzheimer’s disease brings upon those within its midst, and my research was overwhelming my thoughts.  And then the mistake was made to begin a long overdue project – giving our photographs their final home.  2003 was the last entry in the chronicles of our family albums and as 2004 was being brought to its close, the blunt realization of how that was the final Christmas that was truly joyous for us all became more than I was able to carry.

A friend then lent me her ear as I once again made my attempts to rationalize my sorrows.  I fully accept that the pain that resides deep within my soul will never loosen its grip, but when its eyes stare directly into mine….

So then, as Fate would have it, I stepped out to literally take my garbage to the curb when Hope and Faith ventured back onto my path.  A rainbow! Right there, hovering over us all!  The heaviness in my heart quickly lightened as I gazed upon this beautiful sight!  But that is not the end to this story.

As the rainbow faded and I came indoors, my thoughts were directed here once again. I have the ability to view the titles of what others have been reading and last on this list today was an entry that Jessica wrote titled:  Life isn't always about rainbows and fairytales...  My tears flowed freely as I read the words lost to me for so long.   Her entry is powerful as many truths come to light, but for me the most heartfelt was this:  To my mom, my hero and best friend, stay strong and positive. This journey (as crappy as it is) has taught me more than I ever imagined. I wouldn't trade any of it because it has brought us closer than we've ever been. I love you and would be lost without you. If you ever need anything, come to me...I'm here for you always, and that won't ever change. 

Is it possible that God’s angels, once again in disguise, are letting me know that Jessica does still know how much I love her…and need her…and miss her every day….or perhaps they are sending me a reminder that she too, is still here for me.

Goodnight Miss Jessica.
I love you.