16 Years...

Another year has passed and Time continues to taunt me as it slowly lurks forward while cautiously holding back. So much has changed, yet stayed the same...with the good and the bad often intertwined.

Since my last letter to you, Time allowed me to experience my only Bucket List wish - to witness the Alaskan Northern Lights! Bill, Aunt Karin, and Uncle Mike shared in my dream and we had a wonderful trip - although said Time was somewhat marred by Bill’s Parkinson’s and Lewy Body symptoms. But the lights gave us a spectacular show on our two nights in Fairbanks, and we had the flight of a lifetime on a Cessna sightseeing tour in Anchorage! Many beautiful memories amongst the challenges. And now, thankfully, medication has been helping us all enjoy more Time together, Time...sprinkled with a little Grace.

Then, a few months later, Time held still as Bill’s mom Helen lost her short earthly battle. She enjoyed a long and happy life and we miss her. I hope that you were one of the many who welcomed her to Heaven. I’m sure you’ll love her as much as we did, and I imagine that she and Oma will have lots to share.

And Time just burdened us with more heartache with the passing of "Aunt Sandi". Oh how she loved you...as you did her. The love, support, friendship, and help that she gave us before, during, and after your journey will never be forgotten. She was such a special soul and I have no doubt that this was a joyous reunion for you both. She will be missed by many here who loved her...

But Time certainly did move forward with Joy as little Rocco, who spent so much Time with you during the first two years of his life, graduated high school! He will be attending YSU and living on campus this Fall! You would be so proud of him and his little brother Trent! And speaking of pride, you would be beaming over Jack and Amelia! Now 13 and 10, they have already accomplished so much in life. They are kind, loving, and intelligent - just really wonderful kids! I am so proud of them. I hope that Time will be good to all of our youngsters, and help them fulfill their dreams.

And me? Well, Time decided to repeat itself and gave me Cancer. Round 2. Treatment will be starting soon and I pray that more Time is in my future. I know that we've had discussions about being ready to join you, but maybe…not just yet. Yes Jess. I am tired. There are moments when I just want to give in and rest... And yes, I know that I still get tangled up in all of my heartache, and I struggle to separate from Grief. But lately, somehow, I’ve actually been noticing that Time keeps giving us tiny reminders, reminders to encourage us to live in the moment, and fully enjoy each one that we’re blessed with. We all need to stop wasting Time, and wishing it away. We need to embrace all Time, and perhaps quietly pray for it to stay a little longer.

But now, all of my prayers for Strength, Healing, and Time are pouring over Stefanie and Adam. Time has paused itself on a barbed dagger as they begin to navigate Adam’s cancer journey. I believe that they will come through this stronger than ever, and if you, God, and the family have any power to watch over them, I know that you will. I am hopeful that they will be given a bright future once this chapter of Time has closed. 

God…how I miss you. I miss our talks, your blunt advice and the hugs that you reluctantly gave (LOL), the moments where we were just together, and most of all...your smile... How I wish that Time had been kinder by sharing more of itself with you. You deserved that and so much more. You deserved to live a full life, to share in our joy, and weep through our sorrows. And we all deserved to bask in your Love, Comfort, and Kindness - especially as we maneuver through the difficulties of Life...

I am thankful for the time we were given

whilst cursing the time we had stolen. 

-Afterevalyn

Until next Time...

Good night Miss Jessica.
I love you. Always.

If your path demands you to walk through hell,

walk as if you own the place.

- anonymous